Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
