9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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