a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
