Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
