I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize