im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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