please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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