Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
