Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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