If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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