Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
