i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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