Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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