So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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