he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
