Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
