This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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