There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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