hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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