how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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