How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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