Non-Jews are for practice
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
