Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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