I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
