he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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