i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
