i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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