I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
