i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
