He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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