I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
