I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
