so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
