just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
