I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
