shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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