The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
