he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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