So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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