I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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