She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
