Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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