i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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