I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
