Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
