The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
