Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
