he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
