Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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