someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
