What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
