there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
