whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
