Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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