Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
