he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
