We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
