absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
