My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
