Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
