where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize