Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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