im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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