we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
