Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Non-Jews are for practice
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
