I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
