craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
