That's when you crack a 10am beer
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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