He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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