I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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