the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
