good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
