so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
