We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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