2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
