Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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