Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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