i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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