Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
